Disappointment

Today wasn't the best day I've ever had.
It wasn't the worst day I've ever had, either.
I have a lot to be thankful for, really, but today was a two of ten on the happy scale. It was just a blue day.
Are there physical and natural and environmental factors at work? I am certain there are because if not, I'm going to be a very unpleasant person to be around if I continue to be this irritable on a daily basis.

By cjohnson7 from Rochester, Minnesota (Flickr) [CC-BY-2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0)], via Wikimedia Commons

Still, there is a responsibility at some point that you have to take over your behavior. Regardless of circumstance, you are not allowed to put your misery upon others, however justified you feel.


This has been a week of let-downs. I promise not to be an Eeyore for the entire post, so hang in there. I just need to help you know how far down I had to go before I acknowledged the need to leave the "downs". It puts the "ups" in perspective.

Sometimes disappointments happen. And it's not the fault of anyone. For my four year old, it's an unacceptable truth that she simply cannot cope with. For two and a half years we've been walking through unmet expectations and how to deal with them. The road has become a lot smoother after all this work, but there are some serious potholes in the road and we don't often see them in time to avoid them.

Don't we all struggle with unmet expectations, though? You get your hopes up, you put your hope in that upcoming event or situation or financial promise, and when or if your expectation is not met (either in part or in whole), there is an emotional mess that must be dealt with!

Nobody really likes messes, but some of us handle them with less grace than others. I have mess aversion so my poor four year old is trying to learn to cope from a mom that is still learning to cope.

Yes, that sweet circled face is my own. I would have captioned the photo "It's MY camera" at the time.

When the disappointment occurs, we want an out. Somebody to blame would make me feel better. If I could direct all my frustration at an object or a person, and I could expel it, certainly I'd feel better, right?
Wrong.
When we take that mess and put it on anybody else except the one who already took all the messes and washed them clean with His blood, the mess spreads and leaves stains. Instead of ridding ourselves of the ugly, we've spread the ugliness and now it's on both of us.
Sometimes we feel so yucky after an outburst that was unfairly directed as a way of coping. I was there this morning for a time. Impatience seems to breed impatience in our home. (Remember that the mom is still learning?)
Though today has been difficult and I've felt down and irritable all day, longing for family (who live between 100 to 400 miles away at the closest), friends (who I missed seeing this week on three different days due to multiple factors), or even another adult instead of my adorable children, the fact remains that I am the adult. I have to choose.

I'll say it again. It is a choice.

I get to choose my attitude. Nobody else can force me to have a good or even a great attitude. They might really hope I'll have one, but I have to choose it.

Here are some thoughts from Ephesians 4:22-24 (NIV)
You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires;  to be made new in the attitude of your minds;  and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.

It's work, it's hard, and when you're in the middle of your mess, sometimes you just don't feel like it.
I think this is what's beautiful about God, about His Holy Spirit in our hearts! In spite of our grumpy selves, He reaches out in love and welcomes us back home. Our stinky pig-pen selves returning, covered in filth like the Prodigal Son, and still He races to hold us!

So, once embraced in His arms, His love, eyes turned toward the Creator of all, the disappointments gradually fade. Perspective can help the pain seem less sharp and eventually fade away.

Have you been dealing with disappointment lately?
Has the dark, dreary winter been adding to the difficulty of dealing with things on your own?
(Have you understood why it's so hard if you're trying from your own strength like I do?)